


Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs

by c_heels



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humour, I never watched ats so, Spike and Angel friendship, andrew is a massive dork, andrew posts the storyteller vids, everyone is like wtf andrew, im sorry if i got any canon details wrong, storyteller - Freeform, stupid idea i had whilst rewatching s7 storyteller, that we all know and love, they go viral, they tease each other bc im a sucker for spike/angel friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:27:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24375025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/c_heels/pseuds/c_heels
Summary: “There once was a tale, as old as time, of a tragic hero facing their hardest foe. Chosen by powers unforeseen, before the very acknowledging of time itself, a boy was prophesied to lead all. Enamoured by the darker virtues of man, he was a man Forsaken with his demons: a murderer, redeemed; a boy, grown; a hero, a phoenix, risen from the ashes. He faced the most malignant Evil of all, the one which lies within every tragic hero in their conquest. After all, to every tragic hero, a tragic fall was bequeathed upon their very birth. This is a tale of Andrew, the man who knew no fear -“Also known as the time Andrew Wells had to hide in a kitchen cupboard from Buffy, because his personal blog (which was never meant to blow up) blows up.spoilers for both btvs s7 and the ats s5 episode, damage
Relationships: Spike/Buffy Summers
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
> beta’d by CheekyLilBint over at EF, who’s needed input I am graciously thankful for! thank you once again:)

The landline blinked steadily with the unread message; fatigued from patrol, Buffy clicked the button on her way to the kitchen. Giles and the Slayage be damned, she was ravenous and needed a sandwich. The world could wait.

“ _Buffy..._ ” the message began to echo through the apartment as she began to slice through the loaf of bread. The familiar voice belonged to Rupert Giles, her watcher, and a glance at the time told her it was late for a London call, even from where they were.

“ _Ah, I think the link I sent to your email is rather self-explanatory..._ ” Must be important, Buffy thought to herself. _I’ll make with the checking of emails after a nice, soothing shower, though_. 

“ _...I presume Andrew has returned from the mission in LA? If you will, please call me back as soon as you receive my correspondence in order to discuss matters in further detail..._ ” 

* * *

2002

ANYA, FORMER DEMON FOR THE WOMEN: APOCALYPSE INSIGHTS, PART 1

_ “Welcome, gentle viewers! Today in our tale of Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs, she alone must face the greatest evil that had ever befallen her... A little behind the scenes throwback to our favourite Slayer’s history! Okay! So on our drawing board, here is uh, he is the evil snake demon - I wasn’t there, I was in a fight of my own, against the Dark Virtues of uh man, but here we have Anya! A feisty woman of the world; passions as deep as the soul; heart, larger than life; an enchantress in her own right, the quintessential perfect woman...” _

__

_ “Aw, perfect? Thank you, Andrew! But enchantress? No, no, I once knew an enchantress back in 1509 during my demon days, she had these tentacles instead of womanly breasts! This? This is all natural, charismatic Anya charm! Anyway, she was accused of a-” _

__

_ “Uh, Anya, the snake? I apologise for my associate, viewers. _

_ They all look to me for a professional guidance rivalled by none, there’s only so much I can--“ _

__

_ “Andrew? Andrew, what are you whispering to the camera? Do we need to have a conversation about the sentience of objects again? I really do think you might benefit from some mastur--” _

__

_ “Anya! PG, remember?” _

__

_ “Sexual education is a necessity of life, Andrew! How does one achieve orgasms without knowledge? Fine, crazy kooky Anya will shut up, whatever…Anyway, Snake! Old Ones! Of course, I was a freshly turned human, and dealing with an ascension? Again? Not really my sort of scene, see I was alive in 1199 to see that ascension and I...” _

* * *

Finally getting round to opening the link that Giles had sent her, Buffy was now sat freshly showered and less tired on her sofa. On her right, was Dawn Summers, kid sister and annoyance extraordinaire (now in remission), and her left, childhood best friend, Xander Harris.

Although his missions had led him to Africa after the fall of the Sunnydale hellmouth, he was now visiting their current Italy residence as a holiday. Or as much of a holiday as they could get with their job descriptions. Willow Rosenberg had tried to get a visit in too, but her research mission had begun to heat up, and now she probably wouldn’t be due for another month or two.

“What is it anyways, Buff? Did Giles give you the lowdown?” Xander asked, mouth full of pop tart.

“Nah, guessing it has to be important, though,” Buffy frowned. “Where’s Andrew at, Dawnie?”

Their other resident scooby, Andrew Wells, was nowhere to be seen. He’d come back from LA about a week or two ago, and for some reason, he’d gone all avoidy-boy on her ass. He’d changed for the better since the fall of Sunnydale, grown up a ton, but his immaturity was an inherent part of his personality as it turned out. Long gone was Andrew, guestage, now they actually considered him a friend, but the title ‘annoyance’ was decidedly more paramount when dealing with the nerd.

“He said he had some things to do. You know him, he’s probably at a comic con or something.”

“No, that’s not for another mo-“

At the sisters’ twin looks of amusement, Xander hurriedly began to change his tone.

“Let’s just click the link okay, it could be important! Think of the world, you selfish, devious youngsters, you.”

“Right,” Buffy said with a roll of her eyes. Laptop already set up on front of them, Buffy began to click through her email. Frowning at the link, she shared a confused look with Dawn and Xander.

“Buffy Slayer of the Vampyrs dot com... What the hell,” Buffy murmured, clicking the link. Xander frowned at his friend’s words.

“Now why, oh why does that sound so familiar...”

As the website loaded up, they all stared at it in shock.

“What the _fuck_ ,” Buffy deadpanned. Dawn shared her sister’s shock, even despite the cuss - something she was not used to hearing from her sister.

“I concur,” Xander agreed.

“This can’t be what it looks like.”

“Which is what, exactly? A vlog about our personal lives? Things we’re meant to keep _secret_?” Buffy hissed furiously. 

Her hands remained frozen on the keyboard, unsure if she even wanted to see much more.

Xander made the decision for her, and swiping quickly on the touchpad, he clicked the nearest video. The familiar voiced droned on in the silence of their apartment, all with added cuts of various other related videos and conversations. People they hadn’t seen since before their deaths flashed on the screen. Spike, Anya, their voices were cacophonous despite the low volume.

As Buffy, Slayer of the... Heartbreak?!: Angel, part 2, came to an end, the front door opened.

“Hello, loving friends! It is I, Andrew Wells--“ Andrew barely managed out before he saw the laptop screen, and the furious look on Buffy’s face.

With that, he ran.

* * *

2002

BUFFY. SLAYER OF THE… HEARTBREAK?!: ANGEL, PART 2

_ “Spike, Spike! Wait up, I have Swindler’s Tooth! I can’t keep up with your dastardly toned physique...” _

__

_ “No, how many times do you need to hear it? Are you deaf as well as bloody brainless, you useless sod? Ask any more questions about Angelus and his bleeding timeless--“ _

__

_ “Timeless romance, as tragic as the hero herself, in the fiery face of hell itself?” _

__

_ “Yes, whatever the bloody hell you said, I don’t give a rat’s arse--“ _

__

_ “But Spike! Think about the future generations, they need to know!” _

__

_ “Future generations--is that bloody geek talk for you’re a nosey, good for nothing, git? Bloody hell, you’re still recording? Give that o--“ _

* * *

“My forehead is _not_ that large!” Angel shouted petulantly.

Fred Burkle had been the one to clue them in on the boy’s website that had gone viral like smallpox, and now, Spike and Angel were dealing with the fallout. Not wanting to intrude on the moment, she had left before they’d even seen the blooming thing, with succinct instructions written on a yellow sticky note stuck onto an office-owned laptop.

“Whatever you say Peaches, wouldn’t want you sleepless at night. God knows you need your sodding beauty rest more than I do,” Spike snarked, his fingers twitching to light a cigarette up.

They’d just finished watching one of the episodes at that point, and even with the looming fact that there were more than four dozen left to watch, an argument had ensued. It lacked all the malice of their arguments back in their Angelus and William the Bloody days, however.

“You’re just jealous because I’m her first love! And at least Bangel doesn’t sound like some overgrown mutt!”

“Oh yeah? Well... You’re looking at Spike of the chiselled abs, poofter,” Spike said in retaliation, tongue running over his teeth. Angel looked disgusted, but Spike preened in pride. At least nerd #2 (no one could ever compare to the overgrown whelp that was one Xander Harris), put him in a good light.

“And does not, you snivelling wuss - Bangel? Bangel, really?! More like bang my head against a table 10 billion times, please, sir--“

“You’re jealous! And he obviously just pitied you - love of her life my ass...” Angel muttered, and Spike rolled his eyes. “Annoying, whiney, hard to get rid of, like a... Like chlamydia! Yeah...”

Did the sodding poofter forget that he too had enhanced hearing or what? _ Bugger this, ‘m going for a fag. _

“I bloody heard you, Peaches!” Spike called out over his shoulder as he left the office, doors swinging behind him.

“Yeah? Well, good! You were meant to hear!”

* * *

2003

BUFFY, SLAYER OF THE… HEARTBREAK?!: SPIKE, PART 2

_ “Woah, can you see the sexual tension, viewers?” _

__

_ “-I swear Spike, if you don’t scrub your bloody mugs, I’m going to make you William the Bloody for a reason...” _

__

_ “Slayer, it’s just a bit of blood! Calm your bloody chops, yeah?” _

__

_ “You can cut through it! With a knife! Isn’t Buffy lucky?” _

* * *

“Andrew, I’m going to slay you!” Buffy called out futilely, as if the very declaration would bring the blonde nerd out of hiding.

“The apartment isn’t even that big...” she muttered to herself in annoyance, as she continued to search for Andrew. As she did so, Dawn was munching on the popcorn that Xander had microwaved, watching the damned webseries that had her sister searching for blood. To her annoyance, Xander was also watching from her sister’s side, happily eating popcorn.

“Damn right sister, he got your bad side in this shot.”

Buffy flushed at Dawn’s words.

“Bad side? I have a bad side? Where? When? Dawnie! Andrew, you can’t hide, Slayer of the Vampyrs here!”

“I think I much preferred Buffy, the Slayer that knew no fear, personally–" Xander added, obviously only seeing the levity of the situation, as he was prone to doing.

“Xander!”

Seeing the mutinous expression on his best friend’s face, he backtracked, choking on popcorn as he did so. Dawn patted his back sympathetically.

“--Yeah, so not the point, _Andrew_?! Her bad side, really?”

“ _Xander_!”

_Best friend? Who even needs em_ , Buffy thought to herself without malice. Her futile search of Andrew’s bedroom had since brought her to the living room where the pair were watching; she was currently looking under the sofa, Xander and Dawn shared an amused look as Buffy asked them to lift their legs.

“Biley, Spuffy, Bangel? Why do they all sound like STDs! I’ve never resented mom for naming me Buffy more than I have now...”

“Don’t forget Baith!” Dawn called out, helpfully. Or in Buffy’s case, decidedly not.

“Important addition Dawnster, I, for one, could never forget Baith. Ow, joking Buff, joking!”

  
  


Buffy honestly didn’t even know how that one had come about. She wasn’t even the gay scooby! She thinks, anyway. That was totally Willow’s ballgame, and Faith was like the living variety of the literal thorn in her side. Although, they had begun to get along, much to their mutual surprise. It seemed after the stint with the First Evil ( _so happy that I can finally call that a stint and not the battle I might not win_ ), that they had come to respect and understand each other in a way they’d never done before.

“Me and Faith? Xand, I hope you know that in the scary place of the internet, there is also a Giles and Anya. Sweet dreams.”

“Merciful Zeus, Buffy, I surrender! Stop please with the mental torture!” Xander wept, looking positively nauseous much to Buffy’s malicious glee. Dawn laughed and continued to scroll down the website as she found a new webisode.

“Oh, ew! So, so glad the vultures haven’t named an STD after me yet--ow, Buffy!”

“You deserve it, pipsqueak. We can’t all be made by monks and have normal, boring names...”

“Damn right,” Dawn said proudly. Long gone was the girl who was demented by her monk-related birth. Her mouth was stuffed with popcorn, which caused Buffy to give her a disgusted look and another deserving thwack. Xander took his chance to scroll through the comments of the webisode they were on, his eyes widening.

“Oh uh, actually, Dawn, you might want to look at this--“

“Dandrew?” Dawn whispered in disbelief. “ _Dandrew_?!”

Hah! Buffy paused her search then to read the comments which had caused her sister’s misery. Andrew can wait; this, she definitely had to see.

“Few consonants away from dandruff, Dawnie! It’s the future I envisioned for my beloved, kid sister. The balance is restored in the world.”

Buffy laughed at her sister’s reply of a snarl.

“Andrew, I swear... I’m going to wring your little chicken neck, once we find you, you little twerp! You’re dead to me - dead to me, you hear?!”

* * *

_**Miss the 90’s? Well, you’ll LOVE this new web series! Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs is a fresh, innovative look at the vampire mythos...** click to view more! _

* * *

_** TOP TEN REASONS TO SHIP SPUFFY...  ** click to view more! _

_**** _

_** TOP TEN BUFFY WEBISODES...  ** click to view more! _

_**** _

_** BUFFY, SLAYER OF THE VAMPYRS: FACT OR FICTION?...  ** click to view more! _

_**** _

_** TOP TEN BANGEL SCENES...  ** click to view more! _

* * *

There once was a tale, as old as time, of a tragic hero facing their hardest foe. Chosen by powers unforeseen, before the very acknowledging of time itself, a boy was prophesied to lead all. Enamoured by the darker virtues of man, he was a man Forsaken with his demons: a murderer, redeemed; a boy, grown; a hero, a phoenix, risen from the ashes. He faced the most malignant Evil of all, the one which lies within every tragic hero in their conquest. After all, to every tragic hero, a tragic fall was bequeathed upon their very birth. This is a tale of Andrew, the man who knew no fear-

Andrew frowned to himself in the dark; it really did not have the same ring to it as Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs. _Damn Buffy and her amazingly rhyming title!_

Anyway, where was he? Tragic hero, conqueror of the Evil of Man, oh yeah!

\--With his trusty group, scourge of all evil (hmph, if the Scourge wanted ownership, they should have patented it), they conquered the unconquerable evils that walk all over their Earth. Tragic hero as he was, he entrusted his ensemble of Good to act in his stead: Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs. Giles, Scholar of the Good Fight. Xander, Extraordinary, One-Eyed, Muscular, Resourceful, a craftsman blessed by the gods... Midas with his hands, every building material turned to gold in his grasp, toned to perfection in speedos, Demon Hunter. Willow, Kindly Witch of the Innocent Masses. Dawn, er, what did Dawn even do? Controller of the Keyring? Powerful Keyring of the Dimensions? Still unclear on what exactly a key was... What door did Dawn open? If she was a key, could she transform into a key--

“Andrew... Where are yoooou?”

Andrew Wells: Leader of the Apocalypse, his burden was his alone to face. Buffy could only do so much with a pointy, pointy chunk of wood. They needed him, their leader of--

“You can’t hide from me; I can wait you out, you know...”

Okay, so Andrew was hiding. But very much like the great heroes of his time: Harry Potter when seeking out the horcruxes; or Superman with his Clark Kent disguise, or the tragic, blessed, legendary, heroic Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs, after sending her soulless vampiric lover to hell--

“Andrew Wells, if you don’t get out this very second, so help me god!”

Andrew gulped. Like the heroes of great times before him, he was hiding from a terrific Evil he alone must conquer. For he was chosen, the generations preceding he had only heard of the great Evil he was to face; they could not alone imagine his plights, his predicaments, his every hardship. Don’t be fooled, this is no tale for any gentle folk, no no. Alas, this greater Evil he alone must face was not the First Evil... No, not the First, something more, something much worse--

“You know so much about demons, but do you know how long it takes to bleed a human dry? Say, a blonde, 5ft6, 5ft7ish guy, skinny like a little, boneless twig? Do you know, Andrew? Because I do, and you’ll be finding out real soon--“

It was like in a New Hope when Luke Skywalker faces his ultimate enemy, ultimate in the ways of the heart, kin against kin; or when Aang, master of the elements, faced his Mortal Enemy, but a moral quandary--

_Creeeak_. Andrew could’ve sworn he heard his heart stop in that moment. 

The cupboard door opens, and the very subject of his fears stands before him. A gleam in her verdant eyes; dark with the burden of a thousand victims, shoulders tense; heavy with the Hero’s curse and a maniacal grin that could rival any comic book enemy. Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs. 

“Found you.”

Andrew whimpered. Heroically, of course! It was all a ruse to throw her off, know thy enemy, and Andrew had her right where he wanted her. Little did she know... Sigh, he was after all her mentor, her entrusted guide, such as Dumbledore to Harry, Obi Wan to Luke, he to Buffy... Oh little one...

“Please don’t hurt me,” the hero begged. Heroically. 

“I won’t hurt you. _Too_ much.”

* * *

_**lesbidar** : giles and anya should have been together. don’t @ me _

__

_**lol182047402** : this needs WAY more views _

__

_**42islife** :  _

__

_**promaster76** : buffy = loml _

__

_**123456789a** : buffy is SO annying, she doent desrve spike!!!! _

* * *

2003

BUFFY, SLAYER OF THE VAMPYRS: INTRODUCTIONS, PART 2

“ _Honestly, gentle viewers, these motivating speeches of hers tend to get a little long. I'll take you back in there in—in a little while, but in the in-between time, I thought you might want to know a little about me, your humble host. You see, I am a man with a burden. A man with a dark past. You see, I was once a super villain...”_

* * *

2002

BUFFY, SLAYER OF THE… HEARTBREAK?!: SPIKE, PART 1

_ “Spike: he mastered the Vampyr in him, fought demons we can only fear, he alone faced the evil desires of demonhood and fought for his soul. Sigh, gentle viewers, isn’t that just a tale that pulls on your heartstrings? And his very reason, the draw in an unconscientious demon, Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs! Mortal enemies at first rumour, but destiny cried that it simply wasn’t so! This is a tale of love, Spike, Slayer of Slayers? No, no, viewers, you are deadly mistaken... This is Spike, Slayer of the Slayer’s heart! He tore down all the walls of the Slayer’s heart, and like a girl reborn, she found love in the hearth of his heart. Love consumed them, and against all chains, against the world, they fell--“ _

“ _Oi! You sod, you’re making me out to be a bloody wimp!”_

“-- _and isn’t she a lucky girl, gentle viewers? Alone in her calling, William the Bloody was the saviour’s saviour; drawn to slayers, their love was one written in the stars! And who could resist? Toned, lithe, slim but slender, chiselled from the Gods, an earthbound masterpiece, the muse of every artiste--“_

“ _I swear you ponce, if you’re blabbering about Buffy--“_

__

_ “Buffy? Oh yeah. She’s hot, too, with all the... Pointy, sharp stakes. Sexy blonde hair uh, breasts... Yeah, breasts!” _

* * *

Watching the dreaded scene before him, a tendon began to work itself in his jaw. Clenched, jaws and fists, Spike mentally cursed the little sod that would no longer be in this world if he anything to do with it. On the digital screen, two figures entangled in each other - god bless that even in their worst, he and Buffy still used bedsheets - whilst an awkward voice commentated: 

_ Herein begins our tale, one of love and perseverance, William the Bloody, Slayer of Slayers, has met his ultimate match. An enemy unconquerable, who knew that the love of a mortal enemy could melt the undead hearts of even the most adverse rivals... _

“What in the bleeding fuck - is this boy bug-shagging crazy?”

Currently, he was immersed in ‘Buffy, Slayer of the… Heartbreak?!: Spike, part 4.’ Suddenly, the voice of the ever-prestigious head boy interrupted his thoughts, the doors of Angel’s office slamming against the walls: “Spike! Have you seen it?”

“Of course I’ve blood- of course I’ve seen it you pillock! The bloody thing is trending, bit hard to miss, Percy.”

“Did you know anything about it? The world, god--“ Wesley Wyndham-Pryce questioned, his worries crinkling the British pallor of his brow. 

“Hell no! Knew the idiot had an affinity for the camcorder during the First Evil and what not, but I had no buggering idea about the rest of it! Buffy--bollocks!”

“I should call Giles right away; this predicament is certainly unprecedented...”

“So he saw it, huh?” One, bloody irritating receptionist, Harmony Kendall popped round the corner. Wes nodded at her grimly. 

“I’m going to rip out his insides and show the bloody, buggering, idiot his own bleedin’ entrails,” Spike promised as he only continued to watch the webisode. Like a car crash, his eyes refused to move from the victim of murderous gaze. 

... _In front of you, gentle viewers, you can see the warmth of Spike’s love for our forsaken Slayer... Love as torrid as the inferno of Hell, he defied all earthbound rules... He’s really something, huh? Anyway, this video playing in front of you is one of many in my collection. Heart wrenching, doesn’t it just play on your heartstrings people? Buffy, facade as cold as her enemy’s unbeating heart; Spike, love as heated as their love making... Getting rejected for the 5th ti-_

“Did someone give him a happy? Is he soulless? Should we call Angel? Spikey! You are good now, you don’t want human--“

* * *

_** Who do  ** _ ** YOU ** _** think Buffy should end up with? ** _

[_] Spike

[_] Angel

[_] Riley

[_] Xander

[_] Faith

[_] ________

* * *

2003

BUFFY, SLAYER OF THE VAMPYRS: INTRODUCTIONS, PART 1

“ _Dawn is a typical American teenager. Bubbly and sweet with a hunger for fun and a smile that lights up the room.”_

“ _Hello_!”

“ _Dawn used to be a key. I don't really know what that means. So, Dawn, Key of the Dimensions, what was God was like? Was he really an old man with a beard?”_

__

_ “Glory? Well, no, she was evil, and she was A god, not The. Totally wigsome. Totally out for my blood...” _

* * *

“I knew you were videoing us, for the future generations or whatever--which hello? So unnecessary seeing as we’re alive now! But that’s totally beside the point! I thought you only videoed us during the First, before I made you cry over the Seal of Dan Thesaurus. And crying? That so totally looks like it’s going to be in your future!” Buffy threatened. 

Currently, they were sat in the living room of their shared apartment in Italy. It was spartan, but luxurious enough to fit the needs of one Andrew Wells, Dawn Summers and herself, Buffy. Xander was there too, sat beside her on the arm of the couch, flicking through his phone whilst Dawn had busied herself in the kitchen (Buffy suspected this endeavour had little to do with food). Buffy didn’t need to glance over to know what Xander was looking at - _god, what else was anyone looking at?_

“I-I... I didn’t know it’d become trending! It was for personal use only, I swear!” Andrew whined in earnest, but the withering glare that the blonde slayer threw him made him realise that it was futile in softening her frustration. 

“Have you seen the comments? They know stuff about our personal lives, Andrew!“ Buffy hissed. 

  
  


“They know about _demons_ , Slayers, magic! They’re _shipping_ me, for god’s sake! I don’t even know what that is, and so help me god when I find out!”

“Calm the inquisition Buff, the comments look like everyone thinks it’s just some hyper realistic fantasy thing,” Xander butted in from beside her. 

“So not the point, Xand!”

The glare Buffy sent Xander’s way quickened his heart, and with a fresh layer of sweat, he realised he had to get out of there. Quickly. 

“Yeah, back on it with th-the privacy - Dawnie! Have you got those pop-tarts I like?”

Xander rushed out the room as if the flames of hell licked at his soles, and Buffy fixed her glare on Andrew once more. His slender arms were wrapped around himself, an image so familiar with a 5-year-old throwing a tantrum. With a tearful huff, Andrew began to mutter under his breath. With squinted eyes, she leaned forward with an air of danger. 

“Sorry, _what_ was that Andrew? Didn’t quite catch you there.”

“I said, I miss Spike! He would never treat me this way,” Andrew pouted. Buffy rolled her eyes at the formerly evil nerd and leant back in the couch. 

“Well, sorry honey, but unfortunately I got you during the divorce. Big, ol’ evil stepmother. Somehow, dusting in the hellmouth kind of invalidates you in the proceedings. Fortunately for you, oh favourite child of mine, I can happily arrange a permanent visit for you,” Buffy hissed with a malignant smile. 

“Or you could just pay for a flight to LA.”

Buffy blinked at him. Slowly. The words were quiet, obviously said in haste, but Andrew couldn’t keep a secret. Especially not from her. Like treacle, the words penetrated her brain ever so slowly as she began to process the ramifications of his faux pas. She knew that he’d just returned from LA after saving Dana, knew that he’d seen Angel in all his Wolfram-and-Hart glory. She knew also that Spike had died. Things weren’t adding up, and the way Andrew blanched at his uttered words, and began to fidget in his spot, Buffy could very well add them up all by herself. 

“ _Andrew_.”

“Spike’s alive!”

* * *

_**spuffy4lyfffff** : omg if you ship bangel gtfo spuffy is real!!! _

__

_**coolbeans456** : i love how vv found footage this is. can’t wait for the next webisode !!  _

__

_**yasss_t** : fave web series _

* * *

2003

BUFFY, SLAYER OF THE VAMPYRS: INTRODUCTIONS, PART 1

_ “Gorgeous, perfect, the apple of temptation in the Garden of Eden itself, and my, my, doesn’t the very look of this masterpiece make you envy Eve? A gift from the gods themselves...” _

__

_“You point that thing at me one more time_ _Andrew, I swear! Apocalypse be damned, you’ll be catching so many sexual harassment charges--“_

__

_ “Rona! Get out the way, I’m trying to get Spike whilst he’s working out! Ow, ow, stop it, you’re only meant to use that for training - ow!” _

* * *

2003

BUFFY, SLAYER OF THE VAMPYRS: INTRODUCTIONS, PART 3

_ “That was great. I completely got you dusting that guy on film. Hey, why do vampires show up on video?” _

_ “I told you I didn't want you doing that. It's distracting.” _

__

_ “OK, I'll cut the footage together and do the intro tomorrow. ‘She was a woman in danger, or was she?’"  _

_ “Are you still filming me? Stop!” _

__

_ “But it's a valuable record. An important document for the ages. ‘A Slayer in action.’"  _

__

_ "’A nerd in pain.’ Would they like that? 'Cause we could do that.” _

* * *

“So how are you feeling about this? Obviously Buffy is freaked--“ Dawn spoke in dulcet tones to Xander, gesturing vaguely over her shoulder where Buffy was still continuing to rip into Andrew. Xander looked thoughtful as he took a bite from his chocolate pop tart, swallowing before replying. 

“Very wrong. Privacy officially invaded.”

Dawn rolled her eyes, and he grinned at her conspiratorially. Taking her silence as encouragement that he should continue, he took his time chewing on his pop tart, basking in Dawn’s annoyance. 

“It might seem a bit lenient, but I don’t mind it too much. Privacy definitely invaded, I mean, who knew he still managed to record our exploits even during high school, you know? Pretty thankful he didn’t manage a camera in the bathroom at this rate, but it gives me all that childish nostalgia like woah, we were badass! People are loving our badassery, Dawnster! And not to sound like the broody vamp we all know and hate, as self-punishing as it is, I like seeing her. Anya. Makes it hurt but good hurt, you know?”

Dawn knew the man before her like a brother, and she nodded her understanding. Parts of what he’d said were rambled Xander-blabber, but she saw through it, and his quiet uncertainty and emotional vulnerability towards the end when reminiscing about Anya... they all had people they missed. 

“I think Buffy is overreacting just a little bit,” Dawn concurred. 

When Dawn heard an eerie silence in the room next to her, she and Xander shared a look--one of _The_ looks--and quickly rushed in. Surveying the scene, she calmed once she saw Andrew whimpering in fear, as Buffy sat in silence. But whimpering in fear didn’t equate to dead, so she was chill. 

“You good, sis?” Dawn asked, tone filled with precaution. 

“Book me a ticket to LA.”

At her sister’s unrelenting look, Dawn slowly nodded her assent and made a grab for the laptop in front of her sister. The email from Giles still remained opened on the browser as her sister stopped her exit with another word. 

“Oh, and, Dawn?”

“Yeah?”

”Make sure to pack Mr. Pointy.”

Sharing a startled look with Xander, Dawn’s gaze danced towards Andrew, and Xander nodded his understanding. Dawn, laptop in hand, began the walk to her room, as Xander grabbed Andrew and dragged him along. 

“C’mon y-you... You... you geek!”

* * *

1999

ANDREW, THE MAN WHO KNEW NO FEAR: ORIGINS, GRADUATION SURVIVOR, PART 1

_ “Andrew Wells, graduate, survivor of the apocalypse. Has a nice ring to it, huh?” _

__

_ “Yeah! So happy you got the graduation on tape! Did you see Snyder’s face?” _

_ “Welcome viewers, it is I, Andrew Wells, graduate, man with a secret, and today, survivor! Here with me today is Jonathan Levinson, graduate, best friend and survivor. Here are our stories--“ _

__

_ “It was wicked cool, this girl in our class, Buffy Summers, she totally kicked the demon’s ass! Do we have word back on what demon it is, Andrew?” _

_ “No, it’s really weird actually, even Tucker doesn’t know what demon it was.” _

__

_ “That’s so weird. Anyway, we have it recorded, but the Snake ate our Principal! I’m pretty sure Buffy blew up the school, too--“ _

“ _Buffy, schoolgirl by day, routine school-destroyer by night; this is a tale of woe, this is the tale of Buffy, Destroyer of the School... S? Schools?”_

__

_ “Cordelia Chase did say she burnt her high school gym down, but I don’t know if we can trust it...” _

* * *

As she packed, Buffy’s thoughts swum around her like a maelstrom. Spike was alive? And he didn’t tell her? She was hurt, definitely hurt... She had thought that after what they’d been through with the First, let alone god knows what else they’d been through, that maybe he’d give her a measly heads up, at least. They were friends, weren’t they? Yeah, they had made with the smoochies, broken each other hearts more often not, but... But they were friends! He was her right-hand man, the guy who said she was the one!

God, if anyone were to go with the logics of her abysmal love life, world be damned, love was too. Yeah, she was totally swamped with finding SITs, reforming the Watchers Council, but she would tell him if she was alive! Definitely. Yeah. Maybe. Okay, so maybe she might not have bothered, but knowing Spike he’d seek her out, he was worse than any dog with a bone... They weren’t anything, they hadn’t been together, it was all whatever, but dammit, he should’ve told her! For some reason! A very good reason! Which she still needed to think of, but... Dammit, he should’ve told her!

_What am I doing?_ A low doubtful voice interrupted the onslaught of arguments in her head. A bad habit, Buffy began to gnaw her lip as she stopped midway through packing clothes. 

_ There’s probably a reason he didn’t tell me. I missed him. Wouldn’t he miss me? All that talk of blood and being the one and... And... love. It was all talk. I’m not his girlfriend, I don’t need to know. What am I doing? Obviously, he isn’t interested, god what am I doing? _

“Buffy?” Dawn broke through her intense thoughts, and Buffy blinked at her sister stood in her doorway. 

“Yeah?”

“What are you going to say to him? When you see him, I mean?”

Again, she found herself lost in all the questions. What was she going to say to him? _Hi there, former enemy? Ex-boyfriend? Why didn’t you tell me,_ ex _-girlfriend_ (emphasis on the ex), _about your recently revived undead dead status?_

“I... I don’t know, Dawnie”, she replied truthfully. 

“I was mad at him. For a long time, for what he did to you, but he was there for you when you needed... Needed a friend, and we failed you. I held a grudge against him for something he didn’t even do to me. I was just... Disappointed. He took care of me when you... You died. And he hurt me too, everyone was always so... Mom. Dad. Mom did her best, but she still died and for a while, I hated her for it. I wasn’t ready to not have my mommy. Let’s not even mention dad, and... Spike disappointed me, too. He was there, then he wasn’t, then he hurt you and I just jumped on the ‘we-hate-Spike’ bandwagon. Anyway, just... You’re _a_ Slayer now. Still the slayer, but Slayer, comma _A_. Do what makes you happy, okay? Whatever that is,” Dawn rambled, her voice dying into softness. 

“Thank you, Dawnie. You’re so grown now; do you even need me around?” Buffy told her sister with a soft smile. Arms reached to embrace the now taller-than-her young woman (when did Dawn become a young woman, when Dawn: whiney teen extraordinaire, was still so fresh in her mind?). Dawn wrapped her arms round her sister, giving her a kiss on the forehead. 

“Always, Buffy,” Dawn told her with a grin. Turning back round to her half-packed belongings, the mellifluous voice of her sister rang out once more through her room before her departure. 

“Tell him I said sorry, okay?”

* * *

“ _Good morning Wesley, I presume this is in regards to the web series going around?”_

“Y-yes, in fact, it is. I was unaware that you already knew of its existence, are methods being put into place?”

“ _Yes, we are aware of it. I have informed Buffy, of course, but after viewing the content and all relevant commentary provided by er,_ fans _, the threat to the sanctity of our world is unseen. Buffy, whom I trust entirely, shall deal with this issue in whatever way she has planned. Is there anything else you were interested in discussing?”_

“N-no, I think that is all I had in mind. Thank you, Giles...”

* * *

“Is she going to kill me? Is this all but a cunning ruse to lure me into a false--“ Andrew began a flurry of questions, eyes wide as he stared up at Dawn and Xander. Buffy had left the apartment only 2 hours ago for the airport, and she’d be landing in LA before the end of the day. Within hours she’d see Spike. 

Dawn truly wondered how it’d go, her and her sister had multiple heart to hearts, and Buffy had admitted she definitely had feelings for Spike before he dusted, but... All that was still a bit up in the air, as one might say. Tough shell she donned, Buffy hated emotional conversations, and even after opening up, Dawn was no closer to reading her sister. She could very well imagine two different futures: one, where Buffy and Spike shacked up, and Wolfram and Hart, ( _evil law firm that it may be_ ) becoming victim to the Spuffy sexcapades ( _as all the cool kids called it_ ). 

_Demolished house? Only Buffy_ , Dawn thought to herself, rolling her eyes with fondness, but amusement, but disgust, too. 

Or two, where Buffy just stared at Spike and high-fived him or something equally as stupid. _Resurrection buddies! Grim Reaper, who? High five!_ Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs she may be, but Buffy, Slayer of Emotional Confrontations/Conversations, she was not. 

“No! I think! Definitely! Maybe! Dawn, is Buffy going to kill Andrew? Bit lost here,” Xander said. 

“Er, if she doesn’t, I definitely will, you slimy worm! The disgusting amount of times you caught me before I managed to reach the bathroom before all the potentials--“ Dawn began, and turned away abruptly with mock hatred. Hand outstretched in front of her, a metaphoric pause to Andrew’s apology, whilst another hand was poised dramatically on her forehead. 

“It’s sick. _Unforgivable_.”

Xander rolled his eyes at her theatrics, and then turned his gaze back onto their once guestage. 

“I’m sure you’re safe. Maybe. I wouldn’t be worried; I keep spare eyepatches on me.”

At Andrew’s terrified gasp, and after Dawn hit him squarely in the chest, he decided to put the guy out of his misery. Backtracking, “joking aside, why, Andrew? Why?”

Andrew flushed then and began to squirm uncomfortably in his seat. 

As Buffy had left, Andrew finally braved the rest of the apartment and left the safety of Dawn’s bedroom. Now, they were sat in the living room once more. 

“It was an _accident_ , I didn’t know I had been posting them publicly,” Andrew muttered in embarrassment. Both sat next to each other with Andrew opposite, Xander and Dawn shared a look of complete befuddlement. 

“ _Accident?_ Well, in that case, I am no longer sympathetic to your cause, and will no doubt assist Buffy in her torture of you--“

“Xander!” Andrew whined. “Dawn, help me, I can’t help it — I have Interloper’s Ankle!”

“ _Interloper’s an-_ “, Dawn shook her head in disbelief, followed soon after by amusement. “You’re alone on this one, champ. You’re _Andrew_ , Watcher of _the_ Slayer.”

“Andrew, the man who knew _no_ fear,” Xander added with a snicker, and Dawn guffawed at their friend’s affronted expression.

“I think you can manage,” Dawn retorted in response. She leant forward then, patting his knee with amusement, and made her way to the kitchen for a snack. 

* * *

“ _Spikey_ ,” the intercom on Angel’s desk sang out. High pitched and grating, Spike groaned at the sound of Harmony’s voice piercing the veil of his thoughts. 

“Yes, Harm?”

“ _Do you want a drink?_ ”

“No, Harm,” he ground out. It must’ve been the third time he’d told her at this point, and Spike was grateful she didn’t dare enter the office again, like she had the last two times.

“ _Okay Spikey, but just let me know if--_ “

“I’ll make sure to do just that Harm, but leave me alone, alright?”

As the intercom buzzed as it ended, Spike sighed, and returned to the object of his fixations. 

Spike didn’t know how many times he’d watched the blasted series and this one episode-- _The_ episode--but he knew it was too much. Countless, even. Even with Watcher Junior prattling on in the background, all he could watch was her. The way her eyes, harsh from Caleb’s victories, softened as they met him. Through the video, Spike could swear he felt the slow warmth of her gaze, embracing him. It was as if they were the only two in the room--

Office doors swung open, revealing the apologetic (but not really) face of Harmony; once, a receptionist, now, future ash for the floor.

“What is it _now_ , Harm?” he growled.

“Spikey,” she whined, but as he strode towards her in a fury, he didn’t allow her to finish.

“No, I don’t bloody want anything alright? Now sod off!” Spike thundered, practically throwing the other vampire out past the doors. Slamming the doors shut behind the nuisance, Spike walked back over to his seat at Angel’s desk.

Where was he again? _Rewind 10 seconds… Rewind another 10 seconds, ah there we go._

He could swear he could feel the ghost of her palm resting against the very sculpt of his jaw; it was torturous, the chit didn’t even know of his fresh return to the world. But for some reason, he couldn’t stop watching. 

The doors to Angel’s office opened then, again, and from his perch behind the screen of the laptop, he didn’t see who the intruder was. Already annoyed, he pondered if Angel really needed a receptionist. _Don’t think I’ve seen that one in the soulful poofter’s guide to redemption_ , and thank god for that, because he was definitely going to stake the irksome bint.

“Harm, how many bloody times do I have to tell you, I don’t want a sodding cuppa--“ he began, annoyed. With an irked sigh, he stood from his seat, ready to slam the door in her departure, but as he stood, he met the eyes of the wrong blonde. Or the right one, depending on perspective. 

_Buffy_. 

She had changed very little since the last time he saw her; her hair was longer, a softer blonde than it had been, and her eyes were ripe with resolve. The natural pout of her lips were set in a tense line, and her slender arms were crossed against her chest. Her skin glowed, she glowed; there was a vitality and joy that he hadn’t seen in her since before tragedy rooted itself in her life. The burden of being the only Slayer had been uplifted from her shoulders, and Spike could happily see that she had done better without the burden. She was effulgent. And thoroughly pissed. 

“Spike.”

“Buffy. Slayer,” he forced out, his voice raspy. _Love of your goddamn life, and you say that? A bloody name check? I reckon she damn well knows who she is, you miserable berk. C’mon, don’t be a pillock, say something memorable! Meaningful!_

“Er, you looking for Angel, pet?”

Spike could’ve slapped himself. If it was even possible, Buffy’s mouth only seemed to tighten into a more rigorous line. 

“Unless he supposedly _died_ in the hellmouth against the First, disappearing into tiny little dust particles, only to somehow become alive - undead, whatever! - again, I’m not really interested.”

“Ah, right then,” Spike gulped. Wonder if the Powers could bring him back a third time? _Their pay grade could certainly afford it_ , Spike rambled internally. _Or maybe head boy has a few tricks up his sleeve? I reckon he has some contacts in his virgin watcher phone contacts, he could certainly dig up a fake passport for me. Italy, Thailand, England... I hear my ol’ stomping grounds are a right riot this time of year--_

“So, you’re alive again? And you didn’t think to tell me, because...?”

“If you want to be technical, it’s undead--“

“Beside the point, but I do know of this point in my back pocket that you and I both know will _not_ miss its target,” Buffy threatened, taking a step closer to him. Spike walked around the desk and stood stoic. 

“Right. Point. I, er...”

Staring into her eyes, flurrying hurt, betrayal and anger swimming in their depths, Spike failed to find an explanation worthy of the Slayer. And that she was, _THE_ Slayer, no matter how many there were now. Inevitably killing his kind and what not, but Buffy would always be The Slayer in his head. No one could ever dare to compare to her, and Spike was completely lost for words. He couldn’t deny that he still loved her, because he could feel it throbbing beneath skin and bone, in his undead heart. He definitely still loved her. So why wouldn’t he tell her? Why didn’t he tell her?

“Lost for words, huh? I do tend to have that effect on men, especially the undead variety. Usually because I dust them, but let’s leave that for the future. A future getting nearer and nearer, may I add. Or _maybe_...” Buffy drawled, leaving the sentence hanging as she strode slowly towards him. 

“...Maybe you have no explanation.”

She was a mere metre away from him then, and Spike still found himself frozen. It was like how it’d always been with them; her, calling the shots, and he, frozen in awe of her. 

“No reasonable, rational, logical one anyways. And that hurts, Spike,” Buffy added, and Spike knew this was the beginning of an ill-thought out tirade. 

“Why would it? I’m just another souled vamp Slayer, I didn’t think you’d wanna know, alright? Got enough people in your life,” Spike quickly interrupted. His voice was quiet then, a child’s chastised murmur. Hands sought out his pockets as he fixed his gaze to the floor. 

“You’re a dope, an actual, real life, _dope_!”

Her words belied her frustration, and Spike’s gaze snapped back to hers. God, he could drown in the depth of her eyes...

“Don’t know why you’re getting all shirty with me, luv, I just didn’t think--“

“That’s right, you _didn’t_. This is going to hurt, but you totally deserve it, you’re just like Angel now. All brooding and ‘ _grr oh ho ho, I know Buffy better than she knows herself_ ,’ I bet you sit in this office and... And... Brood! Yeah you heard me mister, _brood_! It’s a broodathon with you two! With your stupid souls--“

“The _poofter_?! Now wait a damn minute--“

“Nuh uh, you had your chance to talk. It’s my turn now, Spikey--“

Spike winced at the moniker. Her sickly sweet tone was definitely reminiscent of their receptionist, _wonder if I’m gonna find Harm’s ashes outside?_ Spike wondered inanely. 

“--Because guess what? You flunked the written, and I think I know myself well enough, thank you! And I know I would’ve wanted to know, and hello? 21st century, people! Give me a damn email, brain trust. I think you can risk exerting your two, lonesome braincells to type a quick ‘ _I’m alive_ ’ email! If Giles can do it, his one true love being of the papery-wordy variety, I think you can certainly manage it!

“I’m so mad at you! I don’t even want to know how long you’ve been alive for, I can tell from the laptop that you had more than enough chances to tell me! I’m hurt, I’m so unbelievably hurt - I watched you die, I chose to be by your side, sleep in your arms, even when I thought we had no chance of survival. And you _thought_...”

He winced then; in her voice, in the hard exterior of her unrelenting stare, it was plaintive. Her voice had softened towards the end, it wavered precariously as emotions she hid with anger decided to come out. And he was a dope, he agreed with her then. She was hurt, she was angry... He didn’t dare hope as to why, but he couldn’t deny the fact that she cared about him. 

“...You _thought_ I wouldn’t care?”

“You’re right. I _am_ a dope. I shouldn’t have hidden this from you, and I was bloody well stupid to have tried... I’m sorry, Slayer.”

“Look, I know you’re obsessed over thinking I’m going to run into Angel’s arms, but just think, okay? I was given the chance. I could’ve asked him to stay by my side, I could’ve slept in his arms... But all these could’ve, should’ve, would’ves? Totally of the irrelevant because in the end, I chose _you_. I chose _you_ to be by my side, I chose _your_ arms to sleep in, I chose _you._ You big dummy.”

“What are you telling me, Buffy?”

The silence in the office could’ve been broken by a pin drop; Spike held his breath as he stared at her. He knew the longing was prominent in his gaze, he’d never been smart enough to hide the bloody heart on his duster sleeve. His tone, his stature, he was hopelessly hopeful then. He wished he could’ve hidden those tells from her, but she’d never given him a chance before. Thrumming his heart painfully, the hopefulness he never dared to feel was palpable, even in his ears. It was painful, all consuming, all he could see right now was her-- _but that was us, innit?_ Painful, all consuming... and finally, hopeful. 

“I-I’m not promising anything. I can’t do that to you, not anymore. But I care about you, you jackass. It hurt to know you asked Andrew, of all people, to hide your unholy return... I’m still baking!”

At his frown, Buffy hastily explained. 

“Sorry, cookie analogy---I-I’m not fully ready yet. Which is so stupid, who woulda thunk it? After 7 apocalypses, apocali--whatever! I thought I’d be ready. 16-year-old me, thought so at least, but... I still have... things to figure out. But one thing I do know--“

Buffy raised a hand and rested it gently against his cheek. Spike felt himself melt into her grasp. Like a sodding poofter, but he couldn’t find it in himself to give a damn anymore. 

“Is that I want you to be by my side for all of the baking. Growing, readying. I’m not going to lie to you and say I was all teary and the stab-happy Juliet to your Dust-Romeo, but when you died... I missed you. A-and I kept replaying the conversations we had, I kept beating myself up that I never--I always thought you’d be by my side forever, you know? Like a permanent foot fungi--“

“Charming, Slayer, _real_ charming. Can feel my very kneecaps weaken at the foot fungi comparison.”

“Point is,” Buffy continued, “I thought we’d have time. That I’d have time. To figure it out. I thought you’d be there, snarking and annoying me or whatever else you do, when I figured it out. When I finally became cookies, you know? And then you died, and I regretted not realising you can go away too, and now I have the time, but I’m still not ready, and I don’t know how to--“

  
  


Spike didn’t give Buffy chance to tell him what exactly she didn’t know how to, before he embraced her. He so desperately wanted to snog her senseless and shag her all over Angel’s important files, but he understood her. She wasn’t ready, but she was asking for his patience. And for Buffy? He would do anything. He would even die for her, as past events proved. 

“I know, pet, I know,” he reassured her as he continued to hug her. Her arms slowly came to rest around his torso, and he felt at home as he hugged her. And he only hugged her. He definitely was only hugging her. He definitely wasn’t smelling the sweet scent of her lavender shampoo or anything. _What braindead over-grown sod would even think that anyway? The dangers of rumours_ , Spike reprimanded. That was nancy boy activity that he was not, in any way, affiliated with. 

“Are you sniffing my hair?” she asked in amusement. 

“No! What do you take me for, luv?” Spike hurried in his defence. _Bloody dangerous, rumours are_ , Spike thought internally. 

“Right...” Buffy laughed.

“But I-I made sense, right?” Her voice was hesitant, and Spike waited for her to continue. 

“You know I’m all with the word vomit and fighty slayage stuff - emotional conversations? So not my thing, thank god I never had to emotionally converse with the First, because for sure we’d all be dead--“

“Yeah pet, I know you well enough to hear what you’re saying. I’m yours Buffy, never doubt it. And I’m willing to wait, however long, you’re worth it, Slayer. Wasn’t telling no whities when I told you you’re the one, and I bloody wasn’t fibbing, or the like, when I told you I love you for you, and who you are. Not for me, luv. Never for me.”

He released her from the embrace, but his gaze never left hers. Vaguely, she looked uncomfortable by the display of emotions, her word-vomit as she had called it, making it rather evident. A fond smile twisted his lips.

“I assume the over-grown geek has been put out of his misery? Andrew, not Xander.”

Buffy rolled her eyes and took a step backwards as she did. 

“Not yet, but trust that misery and death are on his tarot cards,” Buffy quipped. 

God, he had missed her. 

“Fancy a patrol?”

  
  


“Always,” she returned.

* * *

Hi, Mr. Andrew Wells!

My name is Lisa Chalmers, and I am a representative of _Gates Media_. If you are unaware of our company, we host and bring to life innovative shows such as _The Redwoods_ , _Sunset High_ and _Finite_ , amongst other shows. An agent of ours has brought your web series to our attention, and we’re emailing to express our interest in your work, _Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs_. We’d be happy if you could reply to this email with your details, as to schedule a face-to-face meeting with one of our agents in your area. We hope to hear from you soon. 

Kind regards,

Lisa Chalmers 


End file.
